she sleeps beside me

my little sister lays next to me
shes 12
I think about when I was 12
how horrific it was
I pity what shell grow thru
tomorrow is thanksgiveing

a time to celebrate family and be grateful
but what am I grateful for ?
nothing
everything I wait for is gone
my grannies car
my peepaws truck wont pull up

I cant even make her pie right
 shes gone...
why cant I be with them
I think Id be much more grateful where they are than where I am

 blue left
hes gone hes not here to save me
 im getting worse


I cant evem take the babies screams my own
my kin
my brothers and sisters who cant help it
I cant handle it
my aniexty feels like Im suffocating
I miss him

why doES he have to be gone on me right now
 I feel so lost like im just in a blur like no one gets me
gid to  I love my momma but een she seems just clueless to me


I don't want tomorrow to exist without my granny yet it does.

the one rock I have isn't here so...
tomorrow..
will just have to hurt...

No title

I don't want to try
To live is to be free
The wind
Lost amongst
Every and all things with a swift
Time and motion
You can see me and fee the warmth
I've lost
Ugly
Unseemingly horrendous
A small nasty
Inkly to even pretend I'm anything
Besides gone

Just like wind
I am the leaf
That crinkles
Beneath her feet
Xoxo ,
Scarlet

Hated

Not cost
No words
Meaningless guessing
Hated

Unloved

Alone

Ashamed of

No one can really love u

XOXO ,
Scarlet

Never will I ever

I'll never make his heart jump
I'm just a stand in
Unlockable loveable
Traces of evident decay

Just a fester
Something waiting
To come to the surface

I'm irrelevant.
Xoxo,
Scarlet

Here

Where is here
I don't feel here
I ache
I feel like a doll on a shelf
A puppet watching someone pull the strings
Time just keeps moving
I'm stuck in slow motion
Where am I
I'm not here
This isn't me
I can't feel myself
Goodmanit where am I
Why am.I so on edge
What has me so lost
Gone.
Xoxoscarlet

Tell tell signs

No one cares
He doesnr want u
No one wants you
Your pointless
You never matter
You can't feel
No one feels anything for u
You are useless
Hell never love you
Hell always want better than you
You

You are nothing.

Xoxoscarlet

This is beautiful

Beauty
Ppl
Together
Celebratting life
If I could just
Stay alive
That high you get from your
Cocktail inside you And not beib in the crowd you sit back

I never asked for this

I can't handle life
I can't handle these ppl
I never asked to live
To exist
To feel
Why is this life filled with cruel
Terrible ppl

I'm so weak
I just cause burdens to everyone
Everything around me
Blue god blue save me
Plz
Why can't you just be
I'm.so hurt by what he said and I'm trying not to and its eating me
Like acid tearing at my skin
Is our relationship pointless
Stupid
Fake??

He hides me
Says theres no point to being around my family they expect too much
And now even turns me away to make love

I'm so useless
Broken
Pointless
I can't even make blue want to mean somethin to me anymore

I hate this place I hate everything around me I wanna leave work
I wanna go home and just curl in a ball
And cry more
Pathetically
Cry abt my worthless bullshit
That no one cares abt

So much
Not enuf
I just can't

Xoxo
Scarlet

I

Feel like shit
Inside and out
Fuck the high and mighty

I'm not wanted
I'm not what turns on
Again again again

I don't see why its important
I'm tired
Lets not
I have to face it

I'm not new
Not exciting
Not sexy
There's no urge

It's all my fault
If only I was everything he wanted
And be me

Xoxo
Scarlet