It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song

I spend a lot od time wondering what life wouldve been like if I'd been delt a different hand

I spend a lot of time wondering if I'd been born in the suburbs had parents still together and just one kid brother or sister

I spend a lot of time wondering what I'd be doing right now if my granny hadn't gotten cancer

I spend a lot of time thinking abt things id do if I didn't have this defect that's acts up so much and I wasn't on so much medication

Wondering pondering thinking contemplating
When was the instant my dad decided he hated me
When was it my blue lost all the love in his eyes
When was I too old for a phone call from my mom
When was the first time I cut
When was it I really felt alone
When did I get so lost

And that's before I even begin to spend time thinking abt the who what where and how.

Xoxo
Scarlet