I love the smell of sex in the morning

So today was interstellar
I still have that uneasiness abt things
It feels like I'm watching my life threw a screen like its not actually me
It was nice to get a little sleep even tho it never feels like enuf
I'm just

I'm always tired
Blue has been so sweet to me
Since I started losing my shit
Maybe he thinks ill give up
Or that I have already
Even tho I feel like that's what he'd benefit from felt like in the last week hea more prone to hold onto me everyday

I love just getting lost in his scent
He gets this intoxicating mix of his man spray and pheromones
It used to make it unbearable not to lose myself in
But lately I'm just not there all the time

I do wish I knew the deep rooted perverse reason I'm so addicted to sex
It never feels like some forty act to me and I never just sleep with strangers
For gods sake blue of all ppl he was the first
I can just claim
"Well he started it ..literally all of it"

But even sex has lost something
I feel like Alice
I fell down some mental rabit hole into a hysteria
Into this place without logic
And I'm slowly looking for the way back out of this into the real world again